Feeling Like the Worst Mom Ever

Today did not start out well. It was grey and gloomy and only one person showed up to the book club I was hosting (I even had really, really good food!). I was feeling like a total loser, and somehow kids always seem to pick up on that. Max has been going through a rough streak since Luke was born and since he gave up naps. And by rough streak I mean acting totally crazy and out of control. I'm soooo worn out from all his drama.

Tonight was our ward trunk-or-treat, and I had a bad premonition about it from the start. Max had a terrible day behaviorally, and Darreck had to work. I brought my sister along for backup, but that only goes so far. I should also add that I don't like big, loud parties in the first place. They give me a headache.

Darreck did magically show up for a few minutes to say hi, but he started by chewing me out for not answering my phone (which was in another room). Oh, and he also saw my last blog post about the jeep. It was kind of the last straw in my already fragile mental state. Max chose right then to meltdown over something dumb and said he "wanted to kill!" me (where did he learn that!). I had it, so I took him home and put him to bed- before he got to trick or treat. He did that whole sob/cry thing for-ev-er. Seriously, like over an hour. To add insult to injury he kept yelling "Daddy, come save me!" in between sobs.

I pretty much felt like the worst mom in the world.

But here's the thing. I put the boys to bed, watched some Glee, and forced myself to suck it up because, come tomorrow, I'm still going to be the mom. I don't get days off and I don't pawn my kids off on some daycare center or nanny. Yeah, I have a husband, but he works full time to support our family, and that's no picnic either. I am solely responsible to be the mom to these two little boys and, as frustrated as I am right now, I still have to do it tomorrow and the next day and the next day.

I can't really be upset about this- I chose to have the kids. Heck, I paid a ton of money to have the kids. I knew, more or less, what I was getting myself into, and I have more than enough good days to make up for the bad ones. I know deep down that I'm not the worst mom in the world, but today was a bad day. It would be nice if tomorrow was better, but my kids are 3 and 3 months, so I'm not holding my breath. Everyone has bad days and even bad weeks and even bad months. We're going through a rough patch right now, but this too shall pass. Hopefully quickly...