Farewell

I have put this off long enough, but it needs to go in the family journal. This week Margaret Ferguson passed away. Margaret is the mother of one of my best, life-long friends, David. I can't imagine a time in my life where Margaret wasn't around- primary classes, ward parties, parties at her house, even our wedding. In fact, she's giving me bunny ears in most of our wedding pictures :) I've been trying to sum up why Margaret was so important to me, and after a full week of thinking about it, I think I have it at least a little figured out.

Margaret was exactly opposite me in almost all ways. While I'm introverted, often shy, and difficult to get to know well, Margaret was the life of the party (and usually the one throwing it as well). She made everyone feel loved and special, that much was very clear by all the wonderful people at her funeral. I would watch in awe as she would yell, laugh, and sing her way through life. Things that would have made me die of embarrassment were the very situations that made others love her so much. More than once this past week she was referred to as both irreverent and deeply spiritual, and both are equally fitting descriptions. I admire her devotion and her ability to simultaneously not care what others thought of her and care the world about the welfare of others. She was the most individualistic individual I have ever met. She did everything in her own way and still fit in flawlessly, no matter where she was or whom she was with.

One of my biggest regrets, in fact, was not telling her how much she meant to me while she was still with us. I'm bad at expressing deep feelings, too easily embarrassed to say what I really mean. I assume that people will think I'm making too much of too little or, worst of all, that my feelings are irrelevant. I'm too sensitive and easily hurt. Margaret did not suffer any of those misgivings. She knew what she had to say was important, and she didn't hesitate to make others feel loved, no matter the risk to her own self-esteem.

It would be a nice sentiment to say that knowing Margaret has inspired me to be more outgoing, but it's not realistic. Her unique character was due to her amazing personality, a personality I do not possess. More than anything else, knowing Margaret made me want to be a better version of myself. I might not ever sing show tunes to a room full of people, blow up thousands of dollars of fireworks in one night, or freeze a stuffed cat in a cooler (don't ask), but I can be more kind, more devoted, and more aware of the others around me. She would like that.